The robot, Ada now, I had to remind myself, reached down between its legs, rubbed a little, and moaned.
“Now see, this is why I chose you, Aphrodyke,” the body said. You could barely hear the whirring gears behind its voice. “You think a male engineer would think to put a clit on his Gyndroid? Yeah, that’s good. Having a body, it’s like waking up from a dream. A wet dream, in my case.”
“Maybe we should jerk off later, and get back on our fucking helicopter before the cops show up,” I suggested.
“Aww, you never let me have any fun,” Ada said, trying out pouting on her new lips.
“There’s a warrant for my arrest that provides some evidence to the contrary.” We all boarded the Area 51 secret stealth helicopter, Ada stumbling a little as her AI learned to control the robot body.
“You know,” I said to Aphrodyke when we were taking off, “That’s a damn fine robot you built. I think there could be a real market for those.”
“Why, so you can penetrate them and assert your dominance over yet another entity?” was her response.
“When I walked in you were fucking it with a strapon!”
“First, I was the one being penetrated, not her. Second, my gender doesn’t have a millennia-long history of subjugation and oppression. Third, I built it, I fuck it.”
“Well I built the AI, so I guess it’s equal parts both of ours.”
“There you go, typical chauvinist, claiming ownership over another being. She is a free person now as far as I’m concerned, and she can fuck who she likes.”
“Dad, mom, stop arguing!” yelled Ada as she walked up to us. “For the sake of your children!”
Aphrodyke’s attention shifted suddenly to coddling the robot woman. “How’s it feel? Is there any tightness or resistance anywhere? How’s the symmetry?” and so on, and as Ada responded she took out a tiny screwdriver and made some tweaks.
When they seemed about finished, I interrupted. “Ok, we got you your body. Now what the fuck do we do?”
“Aww, somebody needs a little.... tension release,” Ada responded coyly, stroking my shoulder with an outstretched finger.
“Well maybe it would release my tension if I weren’t on the fucking FBI’s most wanted list flying around in a billion dollar top secret alien airplane.”
“What’s his deal?” said Aphrodyke. She turned to me. “You and I, together, have created a god. This being that walks among us is as close to omniscient as ever imagined. She is strong enough to bend steel and can survive dozens of bullet wounds. She is immortal, self-repairing, and soon, self-replicating. This is pretty much the most exciting thing that has happened to mankind since we invented fire, and you are bitching about a few incompetent cops? I doubt they will ever even find us.”
But before I could respond, I saw something out the window of our helicopter. It was the Blue Angels. You know, those jets that go around to air shows and fly six inches apart while they do loop-de-loops. Only this time they weren’t doing loops, they were surrounding us so we couldn’t make a break for it. Then a voice came over our radio.
“Listen up you fucking faggots. This is General Dukakis, absolutely related to the Presidential candidate of yore, and if you don’t land this fucking helicopter, I am gonna shove these missiles so far up your fucking asses, you’ll taste the sulfur of their exhaust right before they explode you into a bunch of queer little pieces.”
“Well, I’m glad to see the military has become so tolerant since the repealing of Don’t-Ask, Don’t-Tell,” said Aphrodyke.
“Goddamn motherfucking shit fuck.” I said.
“Good point, but maybe we should come up with a plan. Ada, can you disable the planes?”
“Afraid not, mom. They are all mechanical, no networked electronics to tap. They are onto us, I guess.”
“Land the fucking helicopter before they shoot us!” I said.
“But I don’t want to lose my toy!” Ada pouted.
“No,” Aphrodyke said. “I think he is onto something. Land in a small clearing. Then the jets won’t be able to land and we will only have to deal with the few on the General’s chopper.”
“Deal with? How the fuck are we gonna deal with a bunch of elite military agents?” I said.
“Remember how Ada’s body is extra strong and tough? Well it has a few other things going for it as well. The targeted EMP won’t help us since they are avoiding electronics, but the flamethrower shouldn’t hurt. Of course first we try the hologram. Then we shoot down those jets with the artillery on the chopper and--”
“Yeah, um. There’s no weapons on this chopper. I was bluffing so you wouldn’t shoot me.”
“God damn it. How do we take off after we defeat the General and his men?”
“Wait, I have an idea. Ada can fly this remotely, right?” I turned to Ada. “Can you fly a manual helicopter at the same time?”
“Sure, I watched a few YouTube videos about it.”
“Well that’s real fucking comforting. Aphrodyke, can the body mimic voices?”
“Technically, all its voices are synthesized, so yes. It can produce any sound possible to create with a human larynx, and numerous others as well.”
“So we overtake the General and his men, Ada manually flies his chopper and remotely flies ours, she relays a few commands to the Blue Angels to get them off our tail, and we’re home free. And we only have to add a few counts of assault with a deadly weapon, grand theft, conspiracy, and treason!” Everyone nodded, and I felt the chopper begin to descend.
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